Meet the Parents
by Siathryn
Summary: COMPLETE. What happens when Snape’s sixteen year old daughter brings home a boyfriend? Will Snape endure someone dating his ‘little girl’ and more importantly, will the poor boy survive?
1. Chapter 1 The Arrival

The Greasy Git has children!

_An alarming prospect to some, but amusing none the less. Enjoy the lives of Severus Snape, his wife, and their four children; Alexander and Christiana (twins,) Sebastian and Jocelyn. _

_This may or may not be a part of the World of 'Departure into the Past', I haven't decided yet. And besides, if I did, that would ruin the surprise. _

Meet the Parents

_What happens when Snape's sixteen year old daughter brings home a boyfriend? Will Snape endure someone dating his 'little girl' and more importantly, will the poor boy survive?_

"I don't care who he is! He is not dating my little girl!" yelled Snape.

Snape and his wife Katrina were standing in their kitchen discussing, well it was more like arguing, about their daughter Jocelyn's new boyfriend. He was coming over tonight for dinner.

"Look Severus, I don't care what kind of prejudices you have, you will be civil towards him. You are not allowed poison him, or I will kill you. Have I made myself clear?" Katrina replied while standing toe to toe with her husband and glaring right back at him.

"He is the spawn of a demon and a hell raiser," Snape turned red in the face. "I will not have that…that evil line mingling with mine!"

"Severus, they are dating not getting married. You don't have to worry about that right now." Katrina flicked her wand at the chopping board, and the knives starting cutting up the chicken with an overabundance of enthusiasm.

"I will poison him to make up for the fact he didn't do it himself while he was in Potions!" He started towards the basement stairs. The door slammed in front of him and he turned around to see Katrina pointing her wand at him.

"You will not poison him, didn't I just say that you are to be civil to him. You don't have to like him, but you will not scare him away or you will be sleeping outside in the broom shed for several years."

"I would rather she dated a Malfoy than who she currently is," he snapped and collapsed in a chair. He continued glaring at the wall, pretending it was the 'demon-spawn'.

"The only living Malfoy's at the moment are a 38 year old married man and his two year old son. I don't think that's possible."

"He's the you-know-who's son for Merlin's sake." Snape then started ticking off things on his fingers as he got up, "I can't speak their names, I hate them, I owe them both something, both are demon-spawn—" He stopped when Katrina whacked his fingers with a spoon.

"I think you are exaggerating, he isn't that bad, and you're going to have to say their names sometime you silly git. I confess that I didn't see this coming, but Severus, she has to choose her own path."

Katrina came over and wrapped her arms around Snape's waist, "People said the same things about you. Actually, now that I think about it, they said worse. Just give him a chance."

Snape was still furious, but he knew that if he didn't agree he would end up under an obedience curse outside in a broom shed. It was the middle of winter and you got icicles on you after only five minutes outside.

"Fine. I will not kill him. But if he has no backbone, which I suspect, I can't promise that I won't scare him away."

Katrina knew she had gotten all she was going to, so she went back to mixing the stir-fry.

_Four Hours Later_

Snape was sitting in the living room pretending to read the Daily Prophet, but really he was thinking his way through all the pro's and con's of just killing this boy. He was just coming to a conclusion when he heard voices on the front porch. He strained to listen.

"Dad's not really that scary. He's, well, kind of fluffy inside."

Snape nearly gagged. Alright, he had spoiled his children a bit, but he was not fluffy inside. He snapped out of his thoughts to listen to the response.

The boy laughed nervously, "I'm sure he is. How long will this meal take?"

Snape was thinking the same thing. How long was he going to have to endure the tension of trying not to hex the boy into oblivion or poison the little rat.

"Only an hour or so. You'll survive."

Snape hoped for the boy's sake they both survived, because he reminded himself that he didn't want to go back to Azkaban.

"Is their any topics I should avoid?" asked the boy.

Snape started listing them off in his mind, your father, my hair, your family, my nose, your relatives, your father, your mother, the war, your father, yourself, me, your father, politics, your father, life, your uncles, my daughter, your father…actually it would be best if the boy just kept his mouth shut, Snape decided.

"Try to let him direct the conversation and if he starts staring at you, just start talking about something neutral, like, the weather…or dragons."

His daughter did have some sense, even though she was dating, him. And if Snape never spoke than they boy wouldn't either. Wonderful concept, thought Snape.

The boy asked, "What does your mother think of me?"

"Oh, she's okay, probably a bit surprised but your parents and her don't have as bad of a history as Dad and your father do."

"Your siblings?"

"They're not here."

"So charming your father is going to be the hardest part?"

"Pretty much, considering my father is known to hold grudges."

Hold grudges, Snape thought. I am known to hold grudges for three generations and to dance on graves daily. Jocelyn was speaking again.

"Ready?"

"No."

The door crashed open and Jocelyn bounced in, "Hi, Dad. Where's Mom?"

Snape smiled fondly at his daughter and then remember who was standing on the porch behind her. "Kitchen." he growled.

Katrina came out of the kitchen and hugged her daughter.

Jocelyn let go of her mother, reached out the door, grabbed her boyfriend's wrist and pulled him through the door, "Dad this is Chris. Chris, my father."

Christopher Potter, the eldest son of Ginevra Weasley and Harry Potter, stuck out his hand and shook Snape's, "Hello Mr. Snape."

_That is the end…for now._


	2. Chapter 2 The Meal

Chapter 2 of Meet the Parents

(A.N.) Italics show book titles. Hope everyone likes this chapter just as much as the first one. Thanks again to everyone who reviewed!

The Meal

After the arrival of one Christopher Potter, Severus fed to his dungeon workshop. He had promised his wife that he wouldn't kill or poison the boy, but he never said he wouldn't do something else. Down in his workshop he poured over the texts in his bookshelf. He needed something embarrassing that had no quick antidote. There was _Transfiguring Tools, Nastily Evil Potions, Unforgivable Draughts, Stoppering Death, Medical Draughts, _- now there's an idea, Severus thought. I wonder if it's still in there. He took the text down and rifled thru the pages until he said,

"Yes, this will do quite nicely."

The potion Severus made was clear, tasteless and scentless, as well as only taking minutes to make. After it was done he thought, now how to get the potion into Potter's food? I'll have to distract Katrina. Hmm, how to do that? Ah, I know.

He picked up the vial with the potion in it, put it in his pocket and marched up the stairs. He came up behind his wife in the kitchen, wrapped his arms around her, took a deep breath and said,

"Smells delicious."

"What are you up to Severus?" Katrina asked.

He replied, indignant, "What are you talking about women? I compliment you cooking and you accuse me, of being up to something?"

"Yes Severus, I am. Considering the last time you complimented my cooking you were trying to poison Sirius Black."

" I was not."

"You were. Now what are you up to?"

" Nothing."

"Well then, since your doing nothing, get out of my kitchen."

Severus slouched out of the kitchen. He would have to find another way to get the potion into Potter's food. As he was walking through the dinning room he had an idea. The table was set with him and Katrina at either end of the table, while Potter and Jocelyn were on the side. He gently dripped the potion down the inside of a glass and rubbed some on the fork at the same setting. Now all he would have to do was make sure that Potter sat there. He then glided into the living room to male life a living hell for Potter.

However, Katrina was not fooled by her husbands trickery and had been spying, on him. She went into the dinning room and switched the fork and glass with the potion on them, for the ones at her husbands setting. She then removed the wine goblet's from her and Severus's places so he would see the change. Dinner tonight would certainly be entertaining, at least for her. She then finished setting the table, and called out, "Dinner is ready."

In the living room, Christopher Potter breathed a sigh of relief. It was embarrassing, irritating and unnerving how much his Professor knew about him. Jocelyn grabbed Chris's hand and pulled him into the dinning room. Severus swept after them, smirking.

The smirk fell from his face when he noticed the wine goblet's missing from the table. Damn, he thought, Katrina saw. I'll just have to get the potion off without anyone noticing.

Severus then directed people to their chairs. He held out the chair for Katrina, which was common in their household. Chris had never realized or even believed how gallant his Professor could be.

When Severus sat done, he immediately went to work by knocking his fork onto the floor. As he picked it up, he rubbed it vigorously on his cloak.

Katrina raised an eyebrow and asked, " Everything alright Severus? Nothing wrong with the fork, is there?"

He replied, "No, nothing wrong. I only brushed it with my arm and it fell onto the floor."

Unsurprisingly, discussion during the meal was scarce, very scarce indeed. Katrina and Jocelyn made casual small-talk about their day, interspaced with long stretches of silence. Every time Chris tried to add to the conversation, Severus sent him a glare that would have reduced a fourth-year to curl up in a corner and whimper.

Severus didn't drink anything during the meal, and avoided Katrina's accusing glances. When it was time for desert, Katrina requested her husband's help in the kitchen.

After shutting the kitchen door, Katrina turned to Severus and asked, "What did you put in the glass and on the fork?"

"Nothing." Severus replied.

"Severus Tiberius Snape, do you want to be locked in the broom shed for a year?"

"No."

"Then what potion did you try and feed to Christopher Potter?"

"A puberty potion."

"Refresh my memory on exactly what that potion does again."

"The drinker will get a high voice, acne, voracious appetite and sleep excessive hours of the day."

"So he would basically have all the symptoms of puberty, but increased significantly, I would imagine. Is there an antidote for this particular potion?"

"Time."

"What else haven't you told me about the potion Severus?"

"The drinker reverts back physically, to early puberty."

Katrina's eyebrows shot up and she asked, " How long does it last?"

"3 months, give or take several days."

"I thought I told you not to hurt or poison the boy Severus."

Severus now looked shocked, "Do you not care that I may have ingested some? It takes several hours for the result to be visible."

Katrina replied, "At the moment, I'm tempted to tie you to a chair, take that vial and force you to drink all of it."

"You're not seriously considering that, are you? I have student's to teach women!"

"I know. Maybe you'd learn how immature your acting. Then at least, you'd look your age."

"Fine, I promise not do anything else to the boy. Unless he hurts Jocelyn."

"You'd better not. In the meantime, give me the vial and take the wards off your workshop."

"What? Are you mad? Why would I take the wards off?"

"So I can lock you out of it."

"Fine." He grumbled, and removed the wards. He then slouched back into the dinning room with desert.

Katrina just smirked, and silently chuckled to herself as she locked her husband out of his dungeon. She then followed him back out, to what would hopefully, be a better end to the meal.


	3. Chapter 3 That Evening

Chapter 3 – That Evening

_Yes, it's been a while. I know. However – here is the final chapter of Meet the Parents. At the moment I don't have plans for a sequel as I have many other projects on the go (fanfiction and original fiction). And SPECIAL THANKS to CINDY for helping me with this story!_

_It is not at all necessary, but if you wanted to know a little more about Stephanie – go read my fic "Daddy ate the Cat" – it would be set probably around 10-12 years before this one._

_Quick note, Sirius is still alive. He's just mentioned once in passing._

_Thanks for reading!_

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After the meal, Chris and Jocelyn stood at the front door. Chris grabbed his broom, which was leaning against the wall, and opened the door. As soon as he did, he was pushed back inside from hurricane force winds and the 3 feet of snow that came through the front door.

"I guess I'm not going home by broom anymore. What about the Floo?" he asked as he brushed the snow off of his shirt, pants and hair.

Jocelyn shook her head, "We aren't connected to the Floo network. During the 2nd War with Voldemort it was too dangerous to have the Floo network linked to our house with both my parents as spies."

"Can I side-along Apparate with someone?"

Katrina and Severus walked out of the kitchen and into the front hall. Severus looked particularly grim and Katrina looked amused. It was Katrina who answered the question, "Spinners End has been warded so that no wizard or witch can Apparate in or out. If you try, you will end up splinched from Edinburg to Ireland."

Chris cringed, "Even the two of you?"

Severus glared, "I had believed that you had two working ears, but since you require an explanation I gather that you do not. To say it again, no we cannot Apparate out of here. We did it protect our children from themselves and to keep out unwanted guests. For example, since he couldn't Apparate, Alexander once attempted to leave by hiding in Minerva's suitcase."

Chris smiled at his girlfriend. The smile that only a boy with an attractive girlfriend can have, "I suppose then, sweet pea Jocelyn, that you were a good girl and never did anything bad?"

He backed away suddenly his girlfriend's black eyes bored into him, "Actually, I am the main reason for the protection. When I was five, I convinced Madame Pince that Sebastian had run away and that we needed to go look for him. We Apparated to London to find him, and I ran away and got lost in the underground."

Chris cringed again. This time looking apologetic, "Was it the nickname in front of your parents or the fact that I implied that you were a good little girl that made you angry?"

Jocelyn's glare softened, "I'm not always the good, sane, sensible one. And I hate that nickname."

Severus was stuck between a disapproving glare and smile of fatherly pride.

Katrina suppressed a chuckle, and brought everyone back to the topic at hand, "I'll contact your parents through the toaster to tell them that you'll be staying here tonight."

Chris opened the door and looked out again, weighing his chances. Spending the night at the Snape residence verses flying home through the snowstorm. A gust of wind blew icy pellets in his face. His Potions Professor became the lesser of the two evils.

Chris looked at Jocelyn, "I'll stay."

Jocelyn cheered and hugged him. If a glare could peel the paint from the wall, the one that Severus was giving the wall behind Chris' head, would have done the trick. He grabbed his wife's elbow and pulled her into the living room. After a few minutes of hushed conversation the two teenagers heard him bellow, "I will not have two teenaged nitwits, two lust crazed imbeciles, and two hormone addicted dunderheads staying in my house."

The response was dryly acidic, "That is six, my idiot husband."

"You know what I meant-"

"If they want to have sex Severus, it will not matter if he stays or not. They will have sex. Get over it. Or shall I have to remind you of the three broom closets, the Room of Requirement, the Shrieking Sack of all places, the…"

"We were-"

"Older, wiser?! We were eighteen and didn't know if we would survive the summer."

Jocelyn wasn't surprised at this news. 'Uncle Padfoot' had told her most of this already, though not the part involving the Shrieking Shack. Chris looked positively ill. Just the thought of his Greasy Git of a Potions Professor going at it in a broom closet in Hogwarts was horrifying. The conversation in the living room went back to whispers.

Jocelyn looked at Chris, "Mom's got a point. We could always have sex in the prefect's bathroom seeing as how we're both prefects."

Chris' blood started flowing away from his head and towards fantasies involving hot water, bubbles and then it actually hit him, "You want to have sex with me?"

Jocelyn gave an unapologetic shrug.

Unfortunately Severus and Katrina came back into the room at that exact moment. Hell broke lose in the front entrance of the little house on Spinners End.

After the chaos had ended and the conversation had been explained, Katrina told Chris that he would be staying Sebastian's room, which would be warded so that she and Severus would know if Chris left the room. Jocelyn's room would also be warded in the same manner. Jocelyn and Chris where instructed to change the linen in Sebastian's room, while Severus and Katrina retreated the living room to plan the warding hexes.

Jocelyn grabbed some sheets out of the linen closet, handed them to Chris and walked up the stairs. Sebastian had password protected his door. Jocelyn mumbled something and walked in the door. Sebastian's room was a disaster. No, it was worse than disaster. The floor was completely covered in unwashed quiddich uniforms and books. In one corner of the room there was a mini lab complete with scorch marks and ominously bubbling liquids on a table. Jocelyn started ripping the sheets off the bed. She turned to Chris, "Don't look under the bed."

Chris wasn't looking under the bed. In fact, he was looking above the bed, shocked beyond belief, "That is…she is…that's my… that's Aunt Gabby."

Jocelyn looked at the poster above the headboard, "Gabrielle Delcour. She and Alexander dated for a while. He gave the picture to Sebastian when he started dating Stephanie Lupin."

The picture of Gabrielle in the poster was wearing her long silver hair and a mini-skirt. She tossed her head, threatening to disturb the strategically placed hair. Jocelyn passed the corner of the bottom sheet to Chris who distractedly tucked it in. Jocelyn completely ignored the picture, "Don't worry, it has no-pornography charm on it. Nothing above a T-rating. Gabby and Mom would kill the boys if it was any more explicit."

Chris still looked horrified, "I sit across from her at Christmas dinner. How am I supposed to look at her after seeing that?"

"I'm sure she has a picture of Alexander somewhere. I wouldn't worry about it too much."

They finished making the bed and kicked some of the rank uniforms aside. They sat down on the bed and talked until Severus shoved open the door and told Jocelyn that she needed to get to bed. Jocelyn went into her room, while her father warded the room Chris was staying in. Katrina did the same to Jocelyn's room, but she winked at Jocelyn before leaving. Immediately Jocelyn knew her mother had made a flaw in the ward so she could get out of her room.

In master bedroom Severus silently preformed wandless magic to add a truth spell to the hexes around the room Chris was in. Katrina soundlessly walked up to the room Chris was in, and undid the alarm spells that her husband had set up. Christopher Potter looked surprised, but stepped across the hex line. Katrina re-applied the hexes and quickly told him what they were. Jocelyn Snape casually applied countercharms to her mothers work and wandered into the hallway, and re-applied the hexes again to her room so that if her father went checking, they would still be up.

Chris and Jocelyn went down the stairs and into the living room. Katrina joined her husband in the master bedroom and pretended to sleepily wrap her arms around her husband so that if he left, she would know. Severus stared off into the darkness for several minutes before it struck him. No child of his or Harry Potter's would ever accept rules. The next realization on this train of thought was that they had probably already escaped from their rooms and were making out in the bathroom. He untangled himself from his wife's arms and marched off down the hall.

His usually impressive display of stalking down a hall was somewhat diminished by the fact that he was wearing black chenille slippers and green plaid pajamas instead of the layers of billowing black robes. Katrina trailed after her husband as he crept towards the room that Chris was supposed to be. Severus stopped a quarter inch from the hex line and peered into the dark room. The dratted boy wasn't there!

When he spun around to go check Jocelyn's room he knocked right into Katrina. Startled, he stepped back. Right across the hex line. Instantly, the whole house lit up, alarms blared and the greatest Potions Master that Hogwarts had ever seen, found himself hanging upside down from the door frame.

Downstairs, Chris and Jocelyn stopped snogging. Assuming that they had been caught they sprang apart and looked around. Jocelyn looked towards the stairs, "Bloody hell… what's going on?"

Chris got off the sofa and stuck his head out into the staircase, "No one's there. The alarms must have misfired. Let's see if we can sneak upstairs before your parents notice."

They slipped up the stairs and nearly ran into Katrina who was laughing at her husband, who looked extremely undignified. Jocelyn and Chris looked around her shoulders. Jocelyn was failing miserably when it came to not laughing, "Having fun Dad?"

Snape gritted his teeth, "No."

Tears of mirth where rolling down Katrina's cheeks, "It's a truth hex. He can only tell the truth and only answer yes or no. Jocelyn, please transfigure the couch downstairs into a bed for Chris, and go back to your room. I have a few questions that I need to ask Mister-no-one-is-good-enough-for-my-little-girl while he is still truthful and upside-down."

Jocelyn and Chris supported each other as they attempted to walk down the hall and laugh themselves sick at the same time. Katrina turned around and addressed her husband, "I'm right, aren't I? About no one ever being good enough?"

"Yes."

**qpqpqpqpqp**

Breakfast the next morning was, well, stressful. Severus glared at the other three people at the table. Katrina looked smug. Chris and Jocelyn alternated between laughter and forced sobriety when Severus gave them a death-glare.

The snowstorm had ended sometime during the night, so Chris decided to leave as soon as breakfast was over. He and Jocelyn said goodbye again, and he was just reaching for the door handle when the door flew open and the one of the eldest Snape children barreled in, dragging a reluctant figure behind him. Katrina and Severus came to the front door to see what all the fuss was.

Alexander Snape shook the snow out of his hair and gestured expansively, "Mom, Dad, I am going to get married. Stephanie has agreed to marry me."

Stephanie Lupin took off her hood. Severus Snape went pale and stalked back into the living room.

Katrina looked over at the group of people standing in her entrance, "My children are masters at dramatic timing. But one of these days," she paused, "you are going to launch your father into a murderous rage or a massive heart attack. Oh, and congratulations you two. You might want to try telling your father again in a couple of days, after he's stopped grumbling like a dragon with indigestion."

Everyone just laughed, and congratulated Alexander and Stephanie.

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_And so ends "Meet the Parents". Thanks to everyone who reviewed, added to favorite lists and just came to read. _

_Just in case anyone was interested here are the people's ages and their Houses at Hogwarts._

_The Snape Family_

_Severus Snape – approx. 56 – Slytherin_

_Katrina Snape – approx. 56 – Slytherin_

_Christiana Snape – 19 – Slytherin_

_Alexander Snape – 19 – Slytherin_

_Sebastian Snape – 17 – Slytherin_

_Jocelyn Snape – 16 – Ravenclaw_

_The Lupin Family_

_Remus Lupin – approx. 56 – Gryffindor_

_Miranda Lupin – approx. 56 – Ravenclaw_

_Stephanie Lupin – 18 – Ravenclaw_

_James Lupin – 17 – Gryffindor _

_The Potter Family_

_Harry Potter – approx. 36 – Gryffindor_

_Ginerva Potter – approx. 35 – Gryffindor _

_Christopher Potter– 16 – Gryffindor_

_Robert Potter – 15 – Gryffindor_

_Selena Potter – 14 – Gryffindor_


End file.
